Love Hurts
by captainme
Summary: The feeling of unwanted love causes so much heartache... love sucks sometimes. R&R, JackAna, Oneshot!


I spent so many years nursing my broken heart. My head understood it all perfectly, why nothing would ever happen, why I couldn't have him. It was that blasted heart of mine that simply wouldn't believe it. It talked to me at night, whispering words trying to make me believe that I had a chance, if only I would tell him, let him know my feelings. And all the time my mind overrode those thoughts, telling me the reality of it all. He was a pirate, he loved nothing except for the sea and his ship- and maybe rum was up there too.

But I'm a pirate. Why don't those rules apply to me? Why am I the unlucky one that has to feel the burden of unwanted love? Why not the other way around? Why can't it be **him** in love with **me?** And not **me** in love with **him?** It's not fair! But then of course, life isn't fair is it. I should really know that by now; stop asking myself pointless questions that won't get me very far. Yet they still pop up in my head, while I'm lying alone in the darkness of night, pondering on what to do, how to deal with it all. I can't get away from it, even then.

During the day while working side by side with him, I feel my heart tugging with every smile, the praise for good work, the gratitude on his face from hearing my advice, knowing he trusts my opinion. And yet, somehow I manage to mask these feelings, keep my face neutral, make it seem like even the smallest thing doesn't bother me when really it makes me feel on top of the world. If only he knew… if only he knew I'm not as tough as I make myself out to be, that the feelings inside that I've hidden so well are there, and can be hurt so very easily. I refuse to go into town with him now, unable to bear watching him with those whores. Unable to confront those thoughts of what might have been, what could be, if only he knew, if only I told him and he said he felt the same. And then I remember. _It's never going to happen, Anamaria, get over it. _But I still can't.

Then came that day. I shudder at the memory of it, I was such a fool. I was even more down then usual, so sick of life and all it had decided to throw at me. I waited until we had docked in Tortuga for a couple of nights before doing it. The first night there always leaves the ship practically deserted, with all the sailors eager to get there fill on the town, just in case we had to leave early, so it was perfect time. My plan was to get so drunk that I couldn't feel anything anymore and to throw myself overboard, into the waiting depth's of the cold sea. Well I managed at least a little of that plan I suppose. I drank myself silly, as soon as everyone had left, overestimating myself and how much drink I could hold on an empty stomach. I only made it close to the edge, before passing out on the deck. The next thing I knew was someone holding back my hair, rubbing my back, and basically holding me as I vomited up all the alcohol I had consumed in such a short amount of time. To look round and find him there, looking after me, well, my heart exploded in dozen's of fireworks didn't it. This is where the really stupid bit comes in. Still drunk, I blurted out my feelings, every last one of them. How much I loved him, what I thought about him, what I _fantasized_. Despite being so drunk and out of it, I can remember so clearly the look on his face. The look of surprise and **horror**. There he had been, helping out a friend, someone he thought he could trust, one of the few women that thought of him as a friend, pirate and nothing more, only to find out that I was like the rest. I had humiliated myself and him too, I think.

The next day he bought me my own ship, telling me it was for the best. I cried myself to sleep for weeks before getting a grip, and making myself move on.

It was months before I saw him again, the feelings I thought I had banished, fluttered up in my stomach again like dozens of tiny butterflies. By then I had sorted myself out, got a decent crew and begun to make a name for myself, the only female pirate captain in the Caribbean.

We were in a large crowed market place when we met up. I think he would have thought it was a safe place to bump into me. Plenty of people around to help him if I decided to pounce on him like an animal. Not that I ever would. I'm not that desperate. We made small chit chat before I decided it was time to leave, leave the past in the past and carry on with my life without him. I said my goodbyes, and for a moment I thought that was it. But as I turned, I heard him call;

"Anamaria, wait!" I didn't even bother turning around, just carrying on walking as I replied.

"Better not, place's to be, people to see, an' all that. See you around sometime Captain Sparrow." I walked briskly, and got the distinct feeling he was following me. I was correct at that at least. He called my name several times, and each time I ignored him, not wanting to hear what he had to say, not wanting to be near him just in case it broke the fragile state my heart was in again. Then he dropped a bombshell that succeeded in getting me to halt my steps.

"Anamaria stop! Would you just stop for a second? Anamaria! Anamaria **I LOVE YOU**." My eyes widened, and my head went into overtime trying to figure out what he had said, what he had meant, what was bloody well happening. He couldn't mean it, he just couldn't. Not after the reaction he had had when I had told him the exact same thing. Yet there he was, saying it. Well actually shouting it, rather clearly, in a crowed place, where plenty of people would have heard those words. A small crowd had gathered around in a circle, wanting to see what was going to happen, what my reaction was. It was like a free entertainment show for them all. I can't blame them, if it had been anyone else in my position, I too would have crowded around, curiosity peaking. I slowly turned around to see him walked towards me, but I couldn't move, my feet routing me to the spot. He stood in front of me, a small smile on his lips. "I love you Anamaria."

Now, you're wondering what my reaction to those words, that I had waited so long to hear coming from his mouth, was, aren't you. I warn you, it might not be what you expect.

I slapped him. Hard. Quite a few times actually, until the slaps turned into thumps that I was giving to his chest and arms.

"Ow, ow, ow, mercy luv, mercy. I've just told you I love you, why you beating me up?"

"Because love hurts." He caught my hands at the wrists about a second after I said this, and smiled a little.

"Not all the time…" And he sealed that, with a kiss…

A/N Random? Yes, very. And I think it's one of the shortest pieces that I've ever done, although it's longer then I originally thought it was going to be… But that's what comes from being bored and trying to get out of doing some actual work to prepare for starting school again next week. Please review and tell me what you thought! Thanks! Captainme


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